وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
{البقرة:155}
“Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.” (2:155)
I was reading Quran and came across this verse. It’s definitely not the first time I read it, but it always seemed so obvious that loss of money, lives, and fruits in the sense of losing the harvest, was all a test. It all made sense that these things be tests to devout Muslims so that when we are patient, we get rewarded. After all, isn’t everything in life a test of faith? But it really struck me that fear is also a test. And I never realized it until I actually experienced it.
I don’t mean I’ve never been afraid, that would be just silly, especially for someone as neurotic as me. But it’s always been so easy to overcome my fear. So I’m afraid of an exam at school? Well I’ll just study the best I can and God will reward me as He sees fit. I’m afraid of not getting a job? It probably wasn’t meant for me anyway. This was how I handled my fear and Thank God it worked wonders because (again Thank God) I trust Him. This was all fine and dandy until I started experiencing fear of everything and nothing. I was afraid! That’s it, nothing more to it, no particular reason for my fear, there was nothing wrong. I was just afraid, and since I couldn’t figure out why, I was never able to find something to tell myself to make my fear seem irrational. That is by all means NOT a good feeling!
So when I came across this verse, it was like that cartoon light bulb for an AHA moment. I am a rational person that always seemed to rationalize everything. I always found out why I was afraid and always tried as hard as possible to make that “why” go away by rationally thinking it through. but this was not a test of my rational thinking techniques, this was a test of my faith. This is where I pray that God takes away my fear and just be patient. Some time later, another verse jumped at me:
الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
{الرعد:28}
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction” (13:28)
This really was a test of my faith. I am supposed to be a believer, so the remembrance of God would be the only way to take my fear away. I am someone who believes every word of Quran and if it says that I will feel at peace with the remembrance of God then this is what I should do. It is also worth mentioning that at the time of my “fear”, I wasn’t very spiritually active. There was no doubt in my mind that this is what I should do.
It’s said the best method of remembrance is reading Quran, and that is exactly what I did. This makes so much sense since remembrance is about keeping God in our hearts and minds, and Quran is not just about mentioning Allah, it’s about all those stories and words that make us feel His divine power in everything we experience. I think I finally understand why fear can be such a huge test to everyone; for the believers who need it to find their way back to their spiritual side, and for the non-believers who will feel the true loss and void of not having a spiritual side in the first place; they will try so hard to find something rational to reassure them while the only thing that would take away their fear is the belief in God’s divine power.
In my case, was it really a test or just a divine reminder that I’m drifting and that I should pay attention? Probably a bit of both. My fear lead me to explore an idea that hadn’t occurred to me before, and to find a part that, at the time, was missing from my life. This was an important chapter in the journey of my spiritual growth (still in progress), but, God willing isA, it is a lesson well learned.
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