I’ve always felt slightly guilty whenever I did any activity that did not have a religious basis. Watching movies, going to concerts, hanging out with friends, even reading books which is a hobby I am completely devoted to. All that made me feel guilty because I was wasting time in doing things while I could be learning more about Islam or reading Quran. This feeling most of the time made me end up not doing that specific “fun” activity and not doing any of the “religious” or “spiritual” activities which I’ve wanted to do. So I end up with a lot of time wasted without having fun or learning or even recharging my spiritual batteries. That made me feel guiltier about the amount of time wasted in complete nothingness and on I go into that endless loop.
During the past few months, I’ve undergone some major changes in my life, and I mean MAJOR! And since I wasn’t exactly in the best of moods, I decided to become a “Yes Man” or in this case “Yes Woman”. I wasn’t saying no to any opportunities, trying as much as possible to live life and just enjoy the simple and not so simple pleasures (apparently shopping if more fun when you’re a size smaller ;) ). It worked too! I’ve been doing things and enjoying life without having to wonder who thinks what of whatever it is I’m doing, and it’s working like a charm because I’ve never felt better. And out of the blue, I started doing the spiritual things too. I always wanted to read more Quran, pray the Sunnah prayers, and most of all, I’ve always wanted to read the explanations of the Quran verses, and stop at every single verse and just think, admire, and wonder, which is how Quran should really be read in my opinion. What is interesting is that, not only am I enjoying life, having fun, doing new things and meeting new people, I am also working on recharging my religious batteries as I should. I don’t feel guilty about going out instead of listening to a religious lecture because I’m doing it all at the end of the day!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t have to feel guilty in order to start practicing religion. I don’t have to keep myself locked up and closed up in order to be a better muslim. I don’t have to read Quran out of fear because it is much lovelier to be done out of love and interest and a guiltless heart. What I have discovered is that:
{ إنك لا تهدي من أحببت ولكن الله يهدي من يشاء }
{You cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He wills}
We shouldn’t feel pressured to practice religious activities because we have to. I am not saying that we don’t have to, and that we shouldn’t always keep that thought in our minds, I am saying that Allah knows if our hearts feel dull, and He is merciful. As long as we don’t forget Him, He will remember us and will take away that dullness and despair.
I was wondering about all that for the past few days until yesterday, I was reading the Sha’rawy’s interpretation of Quran. He was saying that Omar Ibn Al-Khattab had his heart open to Islam only after he hit his sister and saw the blood out of the pain that he had caused her. At that moment, his heart softened. It wasn’t the first time that he had heard someone reading Quran, he had heard it lots of times before but it was never with his heart so open to receiving something as beautiful as Quran. He read some verses for the chapter of Taha, it touched him and he turned to Islam. It hadn’t touched him before because he wasn’t ready for it. The same thing goes for any religious activity, if I’m not ready for it, then even if I actually do it, it will never work as it should. When I had a sick heart, I wasn’t able to dive into more religion because it didn’t touch me the way it should. Instead, I took the time to ask God to help heal my heart, I did my dues, I tried as much as I can to keep that religious link open and to remember Allah in what I do because I knew that the day would come when God heard my prayers and healed me, and then I would worship him as I should, out of love and devotion not out of guilt and fear. Thank God that the day came after a few months rather than a few years.
To sum up, for all those who have felt equally guilty at not trying hard enough or not doing it right, I tell you: you will never do it right unless you fix your heart first. And even though Islam is beautiful for those with sick hearts, it will never work to go into religion as a chore, or out of guilt, but only if it’s done out of love for Allah that we can truly be able to recharge our spiritual batteries.
P.S. for all of those who think that making a muslim feel guilty is the way to have them do more for Islam and their religion, then I tell you that you are ILLUDED if you think that anything we do is ever enough to truly worship Allah the way we should, and you should all know that. To shame another muslim into praying or fasting or spreading a word of God is not the Islamic way to do it. Allah sees through our hearts and minds, and He knows what practices are true and what practices are for show, so please learn how to help people into Islam, not shame them into it. May God be with us all in recharging our spiritual batteries.
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